Are we too authoritative with our children?

There is a problem when we deal with youngsters these days. We are just too authoritative at a point that their minds shut off when we tell them what to do in their lives.

Parents are too protective and often drive their children astray when they try to tell them what to do all the time. As parents, we forget that children have access to a wealth of information, both bad and good, from the internet.

What works these days is not shouting at them, or even worse, constant lectures. What teenagers need most is listening to. They see many challenges outside their homes and read a lot of confusing materials in the social media. If we sit with them and listen to them, then we will find enough time to correct them according to their own personal experiences.

When they come to us for an advice, this is an acceptable way to them because we are ready to listen. They will not feel that parents are too obsessive with their lives. That means that youngsters must be treated as equal when they reach a certain stage.

The biggest challenge to them when they go to colleges and universities where they spend too much time in a different environment, facing a variety of challenges. Statistics here in Oman show that over 10,000 youngsters study abroad for their higher education living away from their parents. They face different challenges. Most of them like it because they find themselves away from the “shackles” of the parents and constant ‘lectures’.

It is the start of their paths to adulthood, though Omani parents see the age of 18 is too young for their children to take their own decisions.

However, even if their children study in Oman for their degrees, it is impossible to look at their activities outside their homes. So trusting them is the only way to make them feel that now they can make their own decisions while preparing for their future.

We know that not everything can be taught at home while at the same time not everything can be taught in the classroom. Creating the balance of the two is important. The recent research conducted by the Sultan Qaboos Research shows  that nearly 40 per cent of graduates fail to get jobs because they went through a bad ‘emotional’ childhood at home.

This happens when they cannot answer the interviews questions because their communications skills are not good enough. And what the connection has this got to do with raising children?

The answer is simple. When these graduates were growing up, they spend too much time ‘lectured’ by parents and little time to speak for themselves. In other words, they miss the communication skills of a two-way conversation.

What this tells us that parents can encourage their children to talk about themselves from the early stages to improve their communications skills. This may shock us when we connect getting jobs and raising children but there is a formidable truth in it. In other words, letting our children the time to voice their concerns without fear is important for their future.